I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
