Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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