i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
