can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
