I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize