Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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