I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
