Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
