Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cat gives me a boner
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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