nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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