Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
