never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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