hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
