we're blogging at a bar
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize