he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
