I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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