Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize