he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
