false alarm. still invincible.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
