who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
