Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
