I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
