i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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