just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize