Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
