remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
