I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
