You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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