Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You don't make any sense
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