It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
