eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
