That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
