I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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