Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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