I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
