we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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