Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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