What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
