why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
