my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
