I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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