If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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