Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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