tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
