We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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