How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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