Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's the barista slut.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
