im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Success! We fucked roommates!
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