Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
