Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
