apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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