I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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