No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
