Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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