I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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