tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
