took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
