I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
