I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
