I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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