I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
