If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
