i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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