Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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