dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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