My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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