how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
