both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
