My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
