she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
