goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what day is it and did you see me today?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
