No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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