Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
