I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
