i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
