Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have fence marks all over my body
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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